Monday Blues

It feels like my life is amounting toward nothing. Today at school natalie and I got in a big fight because she thinks I'm a whore because I told her what happened with me and James. I told her because I didn't see him this past weekend and I kind of missed him. I can't talk about it with Brandon so I thought I could talk about it with Natalie. She threatened to tell Brandon and I told her that if she did I'd never speak to her again. If she tells him everything will be ruined. I will have no one to talk to at school because everyone else there hates me or I hate them. FUCK! I just want to scream and make all this stop. She's probably just jealous because she doesn't have a boyfriend and I have one. But if she had one I think she would understand why it's so hard and why I like James. Don't get me wrong, Brandon is great but James is different and that is why I have a crush on him. I only made out with him once. It's not like we even did anything. I think Natalie is more of a square than I realized. I want to die but instead I'm listening to David Bowie Heroes:

I-I wish you could swim
Like the dolphins-like dolphins can swim
Though nothing-nothing will keep us together
We can beat them-for ever and ever
Oh we can be heroes-just for one day
I-I will be king
And you-you will be queen
Though nothing will drive them away
We can be heroes-just for one day
We can beat them-just for one day
I-I can remember
Standing-by the wall
And the guns-shot above our heads
And we kissed-as though nothing could fall
And the shame-was on the other side
Oh we can beat them-forever and ever
Then we could be heroes-just for one day
We can be heroes
Just for one day
We can be heroes
We're nothing, and nothing will help us
Maybe we're lying, then you better not stay
But we could be safer, just for one day
Oh, oh, oh, ohhh-oh, oh, oh, ohhh, just for one day
Oh, just for one day

I wish I could feel like this about Brandon but I don't. I don't completely. David Bowie is so lucky to feel that way about someone, even if it is just for one day.